But I Wanted Them

“He took my pillows.” I put down what I was doing and followed her to the bedroom. There were two pillow forts going up and the accused party had a suspiciously guilty look on his face. “Did you take your sister’s pillows?” He nodded. “I needed some more.” “Just because you needed more didn’t make it okay for you to take hers” “But I wanted them.”

He shrugged as if this was a perfectly reasonable explanation for taking something that belonged to someone else. In his five-year-old mind it made sense. But, looking at the expression on his face and his body language, he also knew that it was wrong.

“But I wanted them.” The fact that he’s five makes this conversation a normal everyday occurrence. In a world where there was a clear code of right and wrong, the next step would be to sit down and have a good chat about respect for others, cooperation, and the clear consequences of both right and wrong choices. Since that’s the kind of world he lives in, we had that conversation.

In an ideal world, the offended party would offer to share the pillows or even cooperate in building a fort together that would be bigger and better than either could have built alone. The offender could see what he would miss if he always selfishly took or did what he wanted rather than caring for others. Not an ideal world here yet, but baby steps. In about five minutes, they’d forgotten all about it and were playing together at something else. It’s a work in progress. And I love it.

C. S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity, posits that we have an “Other” present outside of us. He gives an example of someone cutting in line. Those in line behind the culprit become upset—regardless of age, sex, or beliefs—or the lack thereof. Mr. Lewis proposes that this in itself is proof that there is Something outside of all of us that sets the rules, the right and wrong of things. Something, or Someone, has instilled in us the concept of fairness and respect for each other. He goes on to conclude that we are all aware of this Presence.

Similarly, Scripture says, “For His invisible attributes, namely His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20 ESV) Mr. Lewis makes a clear and reasonable argument for Something of which we are all aware, Someone greater and bigger than any of us. Scripture tells us that Someone is divine, holy.

Mark Lowery, a comedian in the eighties and nineties described looking into the face of his newborn nephew. “You’re a cute little sinner,” he said. Whether his nephew was cute or not is relative and in the eye of the beholder, but he was right about the sinner part. The definition of sin is to “miss the mark,” to commit an offense against God’s spiritual law. We are all sinners.

If, as Mr. Lewis posits, we are all cognizant of an “Other,” and if, as Scripture states, His attributes, His divine nature, have been perceived by us from creation, then we are “without excuse.” We know right and wrong, whether we acknowledge it or not. Because of this, we have to realize that “but I wanted” isn’t going to cut it.

We found more pillows for the fort, problem solved. When that adventure was over, they moved on. One thing was clear, as always their anger was short-lived. Their forgiveness was freely given.

“Anger is like a virus. It steals hope, tells you lies, makes you vulnerable to more anger. It keeps burrowing deeper until it burns into your soul. But forgiveness is the cure. It’s how you start to heal…love doesn’t come from us—it’s born in us, a birthright from God. We can’t manufacture it, we can only release what He’s given us. That nudge to forgive? I think that’s love trying to break free.” (From Sunrise, by Susan May Warren)

Lunchtime arrived and the choices were given.

“We have mac and cheese and peanut butter, which would you like?”

“What else do you have?”

“Those are the choices today.”

“But I don’t want those.”

Yeah, like I said, it’s a work in progress. But we’ll get there.

Blessings!