Life is the messy bits

Letters to Juliet. It’s got New York, London, and the glorious Italian countryside. There’s no bad guy, just an inattentive fiancé. Sophie’s a writer and a romantic at heart. Charlie’s a skeptic and protective of his grandmother. Add a hand-written love letter from fifty years ago, some pretty great music, and a road trip through wine country and you’ve got an uncomplicated fun evening’s entertainment. I have been known to poke fun at formulaic happily-ever-after stories because real life is the messy bits, but this movie is one of my favorites.

An ancient wall in Verona, Italy serves as an advice column of sorts to the lovelorn. Those seeking help attach “Dear Juliet” letters to the wall. A group of women hired by the city answer the letters.

When Sophie’s fiancé decides to attend cooking lessons rather than spend the day with her, the women invite Sophie to write with them. Sophie accidentally discovers a weathered letter hidden inside the wall. She advises the writer, Charlie’s beautiful grandmother, Claire, to have the courage to follow her heart and seek out her long lost love, Lorenzo Bartolini, a field-worker she fell in love with when she was fifteen years old. Claire decides to take Sophie’s advice and Charlie, under protest, agrees to take his grandmother and Sophie on a road trip through the nearby countryside.

Sophie does an internet search, plots the addresses of Lorenzo Bartolinis on a map, and they set off on their adventure. As they go through the list, Claire meets one Lorenzo Bartolini after another in search of her Lorenzo. Some of the Lorenzo’s are funny, some are bitter, some married, some lonely, some cannot get rid of Claire fast enough, and some want very much to be her Lorenzo. There is a poignant moment when one sweet Lorenzo is living in a memory care facility, and they almost give up the search when they find the grave of another Lorenzo who has recently passed away.

They discover a Lorenzo Bartolini living on a vast estate surrounded by vineyards. As they drive up to his huge house to meet him, Charlie remarks, “Well, wouldn’t this be nice, Gran? Going from a boy who works the fields to a man who owns them. And you get to skip the messy bits.” To which Claire replies, “Life is the messy bits.”

We’ll stop there. I don’t want to give away the ending if you’ve never seen the movie. But out of the whole sweet story, this is the line that made the deepest impression on me. “Life is the messy bits.”

The moments when you dance with the music turned up loud and no one’s looking, or go for a run in the spring rain and hit all the puddles, or sit outside with your kids on a cold clear night and watch for shooting stars–those are the moments in life that sparkle. Those are the moments that stand out. Those are the moments that you hold close through the messy bits. Those are the ones that keep you going, that carry you through when everything else in life gets hard.

But real life is the messy bits. Real life is getting your heart broken, and losing your job, and watching someone else get the promotion, and wondering exactly when all those plans you made in high school began to go south. Real life is not always fun or easy or even fair.

And, truth: “Follow your heart” is really bad advice. Hearts are deceitful. They mislead us in the emotion of the moment. They get blinded by appearances, and they’re not dependable for making sound choices. They can get us into so much trouble and the process of getting out is often difficult and humiliating and takes a lot longer than getting into trouble in the first place.

I love a good love story. There’s something satisfying about watching the characters fall in love, go through difficulties and misunderstandings, and finally realize they’re right for each other and willing to weather the messy bits of life together. Usually, however, I can only watch about two or three each holiday season and then I’m ready to go back to crime dramas and cooking shows.

But this year, I found myself needing a little more Christmas, so I watched one after another of what I call “silly Christmas movies.” (I confess, I have been less than complementary about them in the past.) And uncharacteristically, I found myself watching a string of “silly romantic” movies after Christmas was over.

Then, I realized why I’ve found them so good this year. It’s not just about the love story. All the movies I’ve enjoyed the most, the best ones I’ve seen, have had a family story intertwined. While the main storyline was the characters’ romance, there were always supportive families around them. The characters were either an active part of a solid family or they became an active part of one by the end of the movie. Somewhere in the story, they realized that they needed their family and the love, support, encouragement, and yes even the messy bits, of a family relationship. I realized that was what was drawing me to the movies. The romance was just icing on the cake.

My favorite valentines to give to my family are the ones I make myself. They’re not always artistic and sometimes they’re made on the computer or simply a hand-written note, but I want each of my family members to have something personal from me that celebrates how special they are to me. I want my people to know that they are a blessing in my life, that my love for them is the real deal, unconditional and always. I want them to know that even though we don’t always get along or agree, I love our family–messy bits and all.

If you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day this year, I hope you’ll make the time to celebrate the special people in your life. I hope you’ll intentionally make some of those sparkly moments with them.

And, if life is messy right now, I want you to know that there is One who is always there, One you can count on, One who can redeem even the messy bits for good if you’ll let Him. Just know that you are loved–even your messy bits.

So, how about a movie? I’ll bring the popcorn.

Blessings!